Happy Birthday Pop!

Yesterday on 3/21/11 my father, Charles Robert Barr, Sr. celebrated his 89th Birthday in a nursing home in our hometown of Rochester, NY while once again being placed on "hospice" status which means according to all indications and Dr's reports he has less than 6 months to live and the insurance kicks in additional funding for private nursing staff to spend time with him to relieve the regular staff . The monthly cost for his care is now $15,000 including medications

Nine years later....

I sit naked in a hotel room thinking about Pop....how I haven't spoken or written him since the day he left AZ over 3 years ago after such a close 6.5 years of togetherness. I remember the first month after he came home and I slept at his feet and counted between his apnea gasps and it is so long ago but he still is fighting every gasp every second in a nursing home with dementia and I remember promising him man to man our first conversation the day I flew to his side that I would never, ever leave his side until I kissed his eyes shut and sent him to his Heaven loved, respected and triumphed and how I've failed in that promise....self loathing is for pussies...I carry utter failure and disgust with me every day he continues to hang on waiting for the last kiss....which I will deliver on his 89th Birthday on 3/21 then I will die a man of honor no matter what else I have done in my life.


He's the one that taught me that....